Birthday wishes

A while back I asked for your help in wishing my fiance a happy 34th birthday on May 11th. I hadn’t been sure how to go about doing this so I can receive your videos & I’m new to this element of tech so I have gone the simplest route.

 

I have created a youtube account & made a Brand channel. I can allow people to upload videos to that channel. So, if you have decided that you want to help me out, let me know your youtube account & I will add you to the channel so you can upload the video.

 

Thank you in advance for your help, this will be a neat birthday surprise for sure 🙂 Here is the original message with the details on what to say 🙂 Thank you again!!!!

I need your help

My fiance turns 34 on May 11 this year. I have decided as part of his gift, I want to collect birthday wishes for him from around the world. I can’t work due to having multiple illnesses, so I have to get creative for gifts.

My fiance is my world, we’ve been together for 6 years & he has stayed by my side despite all my health issues. He loves the sound of my laugh so he makes me laugh so much, especially when he knows I am having a hard day. He takes great care of me, even doing small things like making sure when I go to nap, there are two blankets on the bed waiting for me. All my friends stopped coming around when I got sick, each canceled event was a nail in the coffin of our friendship. It’s been very isolating but my fiance has stood by me through it all & helped me get through it all.

I’m still figuring out where to have all the videos sent so he can watch them. (If you have any ideas, please let me know)

 

If you would like to take part, thank you so much in advance! In your video, please include what country you live in. His name is Cory. (Sample message: Happy 34th Birthday Cory, from Canada)

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My nightmare with Citalopram (Celexa)

(Warning: There may be mistakes that I have missed, sometimes when I go to get thoughts out of my head & out into the open, they get jumbled up, something Citalopram made a million times worse. I used to rarely have an issue getting thoughts out, just when I was extremely tired or stressed)

Almost 4yrs ago I was prescribed the medication Citalopram a.k.a Celexa for my IBS like issues. I read the information pamphlet that came with drugs that the pharmacy gives you & I decided to take the chance.

Common Side effects:

  • problems with memory or concentration
  • fast heartbeats, feeling shaky

Call your doctor if any of these occur:

  • severe nervous system reaction–very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, confusion, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors, feeling like you might pass out;

Problems with memory or concentration….I felt like Dory from finding ‘Nemo’. At first it wasn’t too bad but it progressed to the point where I would forget what I was talking about mid-sentence or if someone interrupted me. My short term was botched & to this day, it still hasn’t fully recovered. I have days when I have to ask my fiance when the last time I went pee because I can’t remember & I almost always feel like I have to pee, (after my 3rd surgery in my abdomen, it almost always feels like I have to pee), I still can forget what I was talking about if I’m interrupted.

Fast Heartbeats, feeling shaky…before starting this medication, my doctor had been prescribing lots of other medications. Citalopram stressed my heart even more than other medications (constantly starting & stopping medications). I started having my heart race when I would go from laying to standing down & in the morning, I would sweat like crazy for 5-15mins. (I still have the sweating issue, it’s so annoying). The doctor who I prescribed the medicine didn’t look into it. I ended up having to fire the guy cause he gave up on trying to figure out what was wrong with me & just pushed pills on me. I got my new doctor to look into it & he discovered that my right atrium (natural pacemaker of the heart) was now sensitive. I will forever have issues with it racing…I’m turning 30 this year.

I save the worst for last, when this happened, it was so scary, I stopped the medication right away.

Severe nervous system reaction–very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, confusion, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors, feeling like you might pass out…For me, it started off feeling like I was weak in the muscles. Then one horrifying day when out for a walk with my fiance, I collapsed on the side of the road, no longer able to move any part of my body. I was just slumped over on myself & I started to sob, it was such a scary feeling. My fiance had to pick me up & carry me the rest of the way home.

Since then, I have since developed a nervous system issue. It will feel like I have a cut or burn on my body but there is nothing there. When it’s a burning sensation & I put something cool on it, I get relief like I would if it was a legit burn. There have been times when I was convinced I had sliced open my toe only to find nothing wrong at all with it. The pain lasts anywhere from a couple seconds to ten minutes. When I told my doctor about it, he said it was because of all the starting & stopping of medication I’ve been doing, it was rough on my system & the Citalopram didn’t help matters.

I am currently looking at doing a more natural approach, there are over 100 plants with pain killing properties. I just need to figure out how to take the plant & the dose, so far it’s just lots of reading.

Week 5 – poem

Week 5 is about depression & bipolar disorder. Here is a poem shared on the first day.

I Am

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows;
My friends forsake me like a memory lost:
I am the self-consumer of my woes—
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throes
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life or joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;
Even the dearest that I loved the best
Are strange—nay, rather, stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man hath never trod
A place where woman never smiled or wept
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.

John Clare (1793–1864)

My Thoughts

For some people, when think they of PTSD think they of people who have been to war. PTSD is now more than just shell shock, it can be for people who have suffered all sorts of different traumas like miscarriage, rape, car crash, assault, etc.

When I was younger, I thought PTSD was just shell shock but as I got older I started to learn that it can encompass a lot more.

In class, this one doctor was talking about how most of her patients have been suffering with PTSD for 10yrs+ without any help or treatment. I can’t imagine having to suffer that long with PTSD & not having any help. I understand why it happens though, society has told us it’s a weakness & that we aren’t supposed to talk about our emotions, especially the negative ones.

I believe that going to counseling doesn’t mean that you are weak, it actually means you are strong. It means that you want to address what is wrong & overcome it.

I also believe that everyone should go to counseling, it should be the norm. Starting when we are kids, we should see a counselor several times throughout our lives. We change as we grow & because we aren’t taught to properly handle our emotions, we need help navigating these changes.

PTSD poem

A poem about the loss of a child from our PTSD week.

 

On the Death of my First and Dearest Child, Hector Philips, born the 23rd of April, and died the 2nd of May 1655

Twice forty months in wedlock I did stay,
Then had my vows crowned with a lovely boy.
And yet in forty days he dropped away;
O swift vicissitude of human joy!

I did but see him, and he disappeared,
I did but touch the rosebud, and it fell;
A sorrow unforeseen and scarcely feared,
So ill can mortals their afflictions spell.

And now (sweet babe) what can my trembling heart
Suggest to right my doleful fate or thee?
Tears are my muse, and sorrow all my art,
So piercing groans must be thy elegy.

Thus whilst no eye is witness of my moan,
I grieve thy loss (ah, boy too dear to live!)
And let the unconcerned world alone,
Who neither will, nor can refreshment give.

An offering too for thy sad tomb I have,
Too just a tribute to thy early hearse;
Receive these gasping numbers to thy grave,
The last of thy unhappy mother’s verse.

Katherine Philips (1632 – 1664)

 

Dulce et Decorum Est

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs,
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.
Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!—An ecstasy of fumbling
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.—
Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.
If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.
By: Wilfred Owen: The War Poems, ed. John Stallworthy, (Chatto & Windus, 1994)

Poetry – Grief

I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading – treading – till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through –

And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum –
Kept beating – beating – till I thought
My mind was going numb –

And then I heard them lift a Box
And creak across my Soul
With those same Boots of Lead, again,
Then Space – began to toll,

As all the Heavens were a Bell,
And Being, but an Ear,
And I, and Silence, some strange Race,
Wrecked, solitary, here –

And then a Plank in Reason, broke,
And I dropped down, and down –
And hit a World, at every plunge,
And Finished knowing – then –

Emily Dickinson (1830–1886)