My thoughts right now

Ok so it’s 1:03pm on July 20th 2017.

My world is spinning as I process the fact that Chester Bennington from Linkin Park took his own life……so many people, including me, have been able to get through hell because of Linkin Park.

Let’s take a look at Linkin Park’s newest song:

Heavy

I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
‘Cause I can’t escape the gravity

I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)

You say that I’m paranoid
But I’m pretty sure the world is out to get me
It’s not like I made the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same

I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)
(Holding, holding)

Holding on (Holding, holding)
Holding on (Holding, holding)

I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me

Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?

Things were too heavy for Chester & he was unable to let go of what was plaguing his mind.

I know this is going to trigger a lot of people but we need to be strong. You are not alone in what you are feeling. I ask that you please reach out to someone, anyone, if you are feeling suicidal or just need to talk to someone. Across North America you can call 1-800-273-8255

Please be safe as you morn the loss, alcohol & drugs will only temporarily take away the pain. I know many feel like counseling is a sign of weakness but it’s the opposite. It takes great strength to face your problems/past head on & learn how to cope with it all.

 

Advertisements

Small Rant

Recently saw an article that advocated drinking wine for a long life & now this one about coffee. OK, moderation folks is the key here.
 
Alcohol & caffeine are more addictive than cannabis, more toxic than cannabis & are bigger gateway drugs than cannabis yet they are legal. No one asks for ID when someone orders coffee, it’s not even a requirement.
 
Hollywood promotes drinking whenever we have feelings,
feel happy = drink,
feel mad = drink,
feel sad = drink
 
NO wonder there are so many addicts.

Endometriosis rant

Ok I need to rant  bit here. Another EndoSister has committed suicide in hopes of raising awareness for Endometriosis https://www.instagram.com/p/BVpl1udHJqu/

I can’t even begin to tell you how upsetting this is & I don’t even know the woman. This could be any one of us, & by us I mean 176+ million women globally. We’ve all felt defeated by this illness, angry that we’re being ignored & silenced because….what female reproductive organs are involved? Cause really that’s the only thing that makes sense.

Currently there are about 3 million women living with breast cancer in the U.S but 6.3 million women & girls living with Endometriosis. That’s 1-in 10 women. Yet there is hardly any information on Endometriosis, hardly anyone knows about the disease & the only treatment options are band-aids at best.

As it takes 7-11yrs for diagnoses of Endometriosis, the fact that someone women are misdiagnosed with something else & that some women don’t have any symptoms, there could be more than 176+Million globally with Endometriosis.

Now I feel like if this were happening to men, this would be a whole different story. People would know about the disease & there would be better treatment options. Hell even if this were something that cattle suffered with, there would be more progress. There is no way they wouldn’t investigate something that makes 5-10 cows have fertility issues.

Over in Australia there is a study being done on how Endometriosis effects the sex life of men. Seriously!?! Is that the only way we can get progress, show men how it effects them?

Birthday wishes

A while back I asked for your help in wishing my fiance a happy 34th birthday on May 11th. I hadn’t been sure how to go about doing this so I can receive your videos & I’m new to this element of tech so I have gone the simplest route.

 

I have created a youtube account & made a Brand channel. I can allow people to upload videos to that channel. So, if you have decided that you want to help me out, let me know your youtube account & I will add you to the channel so you can upload the video.

 

Thank you in advance for your help, this will be a neat birthday surprise for sure 🙂 Here is the original message with the details on what to say 🙂 Thank you again!!!!

I need your help

My fiance turns 34 on May 11 this year. I have decided as part of his gift, I want to collect birthday wishes for him from around the world. I can’t work due to having multiple illnesses, so I have to get creative for gifts.

My fiance is my world, we’ve been together for 6 years & he has stayed by my side despite all my health issues. He loves the sound of my laugh so he makes me laugh so much, especially when he knows I am having a hard day. He takes great care of me, even doing small things like making sure when I go to nap, there are two blankets on the bed waiting for me. All my friends stopped coming around when I got sick, each canceled event was a nail in the coffin of our friendship. It’s been very isolating but my fiance has stood by me through it all & helped me get through it all.

I’m still figuring out where to have all the videos sent so he can watch them. (If you have any ideas, please let me know)

 

If you would like to take part, thank you so much in advance! In your video, please include what country you live in. His name is Cory. (Sample message: Happy 34th Birthday Cory, from Canada)

My Thoughts

For some people, when think they of PTSD think they of people who have been to war. PTSD is now more than just shell shock, it can be for people who have suffered all sorts of different traumas like miscarriage, rape, car crash, assault, etc.

When I was younger, I thought PTSD was just shell shock but as I got older I started to learn that it can encompass a lot more.

In class, this one doctor was talking about how most of her patients have been suffering with PTSD for 10yrs+ without any help or treatment. I can’t imagine having to suffer that long with PTSD & not having any help. I understand why it happens though, society has told us it’s a weakness & that we aren’t supposed to talk about our emotions, especially the negative ones.

I believe that going to counseling doesn’t mean that you are weak, it actually means you are strong. It means that you want to address what is wrong & overcome it.

I also believe that everyone should go to counseling, it should be the norm. Starting when we are kids, we should see a counselor several times throughout our lives. We change as we grow & because we aren’t taught to properly handle our emotions, we need help navigating these changes.

Thoughts

I’m taking a course through FutureLearn.com called ‘Literature & Mental Health: Reading for Wellbeing’.“Find out how poems, plays and novels can help us understand and cope with deep emotional strain in this free online course.”

In the first week we talked about stress & using poetry as a way to cope with stress. In the second week we talked about heartbreak, making use of both poems & novels as a way to feel not so alone. In the third week, the one I’m currently on (yes I’m behind) is about bereavement.

It’s been slow going, not like the other courses. It’s not cause I’m not interested in the subject, I’m just finding it harder with all the videos.

In May of 2016 my Aunt suffered a Vertebral artery dissection due to going to a chiropractor. It hasn’t fully sunk in that has passed away. I see so many people from a far who remind me of my Aunt & then I have to remind myself it’s not her. Any time I see a truck that is similar to hers I look to see if it’s her & have to remind myself it’s not her driving around.

My Aunt really loved the song ‘FreeBird’ by Lynyrd Skynyrd & it’s a perfectly fitting song now.

“If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me
For I must be travelin’ on now
There’s too many places I got to see

If I stay here with you girl
Things just couldn’t be the same
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
And the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows, I can’t change

Bye and bye baby, it’s been sweet love, yeah yeah
Though this feelin’ I can’t change
Please don’t take it so badly
‘Cause Lord knows, I’m to blame

And if I stay here with you girl
Things just couldn’t even be the same
‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
And the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change”

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month

I & 176 Million other women around the world suffer with this horrible disease. That’s 1-10 women in Canada, U.S & U.K. However, for some women, they have no symptoms, and for another large group, they are misdiagnosed with something else, so there could be a lot more women with Endometriosis.

It often can take anywhere from 8-10yrs to get a diagnoses. There is little information on the disease & even hardly much in the way of treatment. Treatment often involves hormone therapy (like taking birth control pills non stop) to removing organs. However there is no cure, there is no guarantee removing organs or having kids will stop endo & sometimes it can make it much worse.

1-5 women with infertility issues has Endometriosis.